Yesterday, I had a really chilled day.. First went to my friend's house, Vanda a really cool and funny character, then her and my cousin Sandra went shopping in Vasco da Gama, and left me in the tube.. So I went to meet up with Karol and Mario downtown. I haven't seen Mario since before the holidays.. And I actually missed him.. a strange feeling for me to feel I know, anyway.. So we spent most of the afternoon around Bairro Alto e Baixa.. And I went back home.. It was nice for me to just chill and take my mind off other things..
Yesterday was a day to erase.. Nothing happened, just felt like one of those days where I shouldn't get out of bed.. And yes I did get up but no I didn't leave the house..
So I'm going to write about the day before .. Tuesday, well I went to meet Karol downtown, and as usually we spent most of the time in Escadinhas.. And then I had the brilliant idea of going to the cinema, so we went to see The Stepford Wives with Glen Close, Nicole Kidman which were brilliant, I even dare to say that she might get an Oscar nominee for best actress, it was a really funny movie and we enjoyed it a lot, then we went for a coffee in Saldanha Atrium and took a lot of pictures in the way, that I will post them tomorrow because I don't have them yet.. Anyway it was a really fun day and best of all I really enjoyed being with Karol, and I thought we really needed to have that day for ourselves.. Cause lately we've been having some problems..
When you like someone, and feel at ease with them to talk about everything and feel comfortable enough to say what's on your mind, and don't have that feeling that you should say this or that because she might not understand.. I call this a true friendship, and basically is how I feel about Karol, but the thing is that most of the times she feels that I shouldn't have said this or that.. And that I'm hurting her feelings just because of my up front way of saying things.. Just because I talk with her without being hypocrite and always say what's on my mind.. Like hello.. Why does she prefer me to be to her like I'm for everybody else.. Does she really want me to tell her only the things that make her happy?.. Why doesn't she appreciate my pure and direct way of saying things.. With her I'm honest at every second I don't feel the need to put on the false image of myself, where I'm this perfect guy that agrees with everything and most of all.. Be someone that I'm not..
God how complicated am I?!
Well.. Where should I start?.. Maybe when I told my friend Karol, that I had a bad feeling about that night, well the fact is that even having that feeling it didn't stop me from going out, that might say something about me.. Right? Anyway, there we were.. Me, Janita, Karol and Bruno, at our daily spot.. "As Escadinhas", ok it's our day and night spot.. It's where we smoke our joints, where we decide where we going next.. And best of all.. Where we feel more at ease.. Instead of being in a noisy bar, full of staring eyes and weird people.. Looking at us through unreadable thoughts, probably saying how strange we are.. When in reality.. Just cause we are not as "normal" as they expect us to be.. Doesn't make them more strange then we are..
So we did go out and the night wasn't different from any other night.. Where something unexpected always happens and it turns out to be the best part of the night.. But felling was still there.. And my fear of facing the cruel reality of what was going to come was more then I could take.. The reality check that I knew I was going to see but still didn't wanna face.. The fact that the one I love.. Doesn't love me back...